I wish I had a rabbit and a hat and a '64 Impala

Ok, so I couldn't think of a title so I went with some old school Cee-lo. Anywho, I went to my meeting today and I lost 3.8 lbs this week!! After my HORRIBLE weigh and measure, I was truly feeling defeated. I'd have had a very hard time keeping myself honest in Chicago if I'd had a bad weigh in today. So I'm pretty stoked.

Goals for this week:
1. Attempt to keep accurate record of points while on vacation
2. Walk lots while I'm away since I can't hit Curves
3. Have a great time WITHOUT resorting to food
4. Be honest about it all

So that's this week. Mom and I are thinking about shopping for Gala dresses while in Chicago, I don't have the money for one anyway, but we'll see! It would be fun to get something new, but I'm still above the weight I was last year at this time, so I'm not sure I'd have a great time looking at sizes and such. Plus, I'm guessing the fun stores in Chicago are less likely to have my size. I just simply can't wait to be able to shop in normal sizes!! I won't be back in town until Monday, so I probably won't update until after my weigh in. Have a great week!!

Success!

I don't have time to write (I'll write this evening) but did want to say that I just had my weigh-in, and I met my goal for this week. I am now weighing in at 224.5, which puts my total weight loss at 6.5 pounds. I am picturing six of these tubs o butter smeared on my body, layered over it. Obviously 6 pounds isn't really enough for me to be able to tell a big difference in my body... but when I picture it in butter, it is definitely motivation for me to keep trying.

Angry...

This week at Weight Watchers I've gained .8 lbs. Then I have to do my monthly weigh and measure at Curves and I'm up both inches and pounds. Since I started Curves I've GAINED 8 pounds. That's right, it's going the wrong way. But for it to get worse when I'm working harder is frustrating.

I feel like I've probably done pretty well on my points, but I'm so mad right now about everything that I just keep feeling like I don't care because it's all going to bite me anyway. Whether I do well or not, things are going wrong. I'm hoping I can stay positive about it, but right now that seems unlikely at best.

This is unrelated to the point of the blog, but I'll tie it back I promise... Today was a really emotionally draining day. We got to go shopping without a budget. A couple of ladies who I really enjoy take 3 carts into Walmart with the idea to fill them all with great toys, movies and games for kids of all ages. We get storage and a pack-and-play and high chair... and over $3,000 later, we are only about 1/2 way to our goal of this paticular trip out. We go home and chitty-chat while we organize our loot. It was awesome! The unfortunate thing is that all of these toys will find their new home in the Callahan Cancer Center in our hospital. The Gala this year will go to funding the building of the pediatric comforts at the center. This includes painting a room and will eventually include some other big ticket items as well. So we get all these great things, top of the line everything (we literally bought a copy of every movie in Wal-mart that we were allowed to buy. We have about 200 movies right now and we still need to make a list and get the ones at ShopKo that Wal-mart didn't have), so it was a great time. But then you pick up rattles and teething rings and realize that they are going to be given to a child who's cranky because she's both teething and receiving chemo. How sad is that idea?

So to relate this back, I've been thinking today about how lucky I am. I suppose we can all say that, but I've been blessed with so many things in my life and I continue to be stressed or upset about stupid stuff. Then I think about those kids struggling with this disease and I look at the list of things obesity makes a person prone to and my heart sinks. I want a family, children, and I would continue to be in body that makes me likely to leave them earlier than I should. I am terrified of never being married because I'm too fat for any man to want me... and yet I have everything at my feet. I am trying to keep this weight loss attempt within perspective, to not be selfish and to be compassionate. It's really rough. So I'm praying. If I truly want change, I need help. I want to be healthy, I want to be happy, and I want to be free of this disease...

So here's hoping this week goes better. I'm not sure how I'm going to be able to respond if the scales are not less brutal....

this week, I am proud of myself

I have done a lot this week that has made me really start to think that this time... might be THE time...

Thursday night I was going out with my brother in law and his wife, and they were picking the place, so I planned ahead that day by eating very low point breakfast and lunch, and then eating a very light dinner before I went-- so that when I was ordering, and when the appetizer was in front of me, I wasn't famished. And then I ordered what I wanted, within reason-- no prime rib or cheesecake... instead I got a barbecue chicken sandwich with mashed potatoes, no desert, and a glass of white wine. The whole meal rounded out just over 20 points, but since I had planned so carefully the rest of the day, I only ended up using about 11 of my flex points.

Then last night after work I just had a hankering for something to wind down with, it being Friday night and all, so I opted for diet coke and rum-- 2 points per drink-- and honestly only made it through one drink before I was ready for bed. I also got a bag of gummy bears and carefully split the contents into three (each third being worth two points). I ate one third, thinking I'd save the other for today, but when I woke up someone had finished them off for me.

So this morning when I woke up, I put on one of those baby t's that I ordinarily am pretty hit and miss with: sometimes I put it on and feel totally comfortable (although I usually put on a sweatshirt and wear a tank top underneath it JUST in case) and sometimes I put it on and I feel so gross in it that I change to a huge oversized t shirt. The issue is that they are XXL when I probably should have been looking into buying a triple. But this morning? I put on one of my Old Navy baby t's and could NOT believe it-- it actually fit WELL. No need for a tank top or a sweat shirt, I could wear this anywhere and feel totally comfortable.

I am approaching one month with Weight Watchers, and I think what I have enjoyed the most so far is the fact that I have learned SO much about the food that I eat thinking that it's probably okay. I had a big lesson yesterday when I ate a turkey tom sandwich from Jimmy Johns-- it's turkey, right? Lettuce, tomato, some cheese, but no big deal???? I checked it last night-- 26 grams of fat, 13 points! As if that wasn't ENOUGH-- I calculated it again after removing the mayo-- um hello-- ONE gram of fat and 6 points. I think we know how I will be ordering my sandwiches from now on.

Don't give up....

... they all say "Sometimes it happens, just don't give up!" I gained .8 lbs this week. Let's be real, I didn't even track my points because on Wednesday (otherwise known as day 1) I used over half of my flex points, the next day I had Runza and ice cream for Patient Financial Services appreciation week... so I gave up. I also didn't go to Curves... at all. So, this week I weigh in to no real shocking weight. HOWEVER it's still heart breaking. I left before the meeting started because my workout (see, I'm already doing better this week!!) went poorly.

If I skip the Smart Equipment bumps me up to higher intensity. This DOES NOT WORK. So I'm gone for 1 week for surgery and I don't use the smart equipment computers for the 2 weeks after that because I don't want to overdo it. When I put my card in after the 3 weeks the computer assumes I didn't come, it says "Congratulations!" and bumps me up 4 levels. I was struggling with that between still trying to come back and get up to speed from my surgery and 2 week break from workouts and today after I skipped all week last week it bumps me up 4 MORE! So now instead of the 65% I said I wanted to be working out at, which is the highest weight loss amount, I'm at almost 80%. That's too much, I'm not wanting to gain muscle AND I almost threw up by the end of the day today trying to keep up. That isn't worth it. So I complained and they were a little shocked at how upset I was. But seriously, this is stupid. If you don't come, I'm going to work you until you are sore and sick so you stop coming again. Don't let people off the hook and make it go down, but at least keep it even!

So excuses or whatever else, I did very poorly last week. BUT this is a brand new day. Goals for this week? I have a few:
1. No soda. It's at least 2 points even for 8 oz of diet, so it's just not worth it.
2. Keep track of points, even if I fail. I need to be able to see my weaknesses on paper....
3. Gym. I've got 3 more days this week that I CAN go, so I have 3 more days I WILL go.
4. Water. When my brother Brandon was in massage therapy school, they told them in a class that the human body needs appx 1/2 a person's body weight in fluid ounces of water a day. That means the recommended 64 oz a day would be adequate for a person weighing 128. I on the other hand, need more. I need to try and do this because it really does help my body function.
5. Sunday. Casey and I have a 'wings night' tradition on Sundays. We've only missed twice and as far as I know we'll go this week. Applebee's is our destination... I got a little punch card that if I get 10 punches with the Weight Watchers Menu there I get an entree free. So while Casey eats his 20 hot wings I will eat something low in points and feel good about myself and work towards that free meal.

So those are my goals. I don't think any are too unattainable, I just need to do them. We'll see how it goes and I'll keep you posted!! Our next weigh in comes two days before I go to Omaha to hang with Adrienne and then fly to Chicago for the weekend. So hopefully I can learn some self control this week to be able to have success in the windy city!

Did I mention that 227...

is THAT weight?

This week I have recorded a .5 loss. Disappointing, but I am trying to picture two sticks of butter disappearing from somewhere very noticeable. I kind of knew what I was in for because I had weighed myself yesterday and showed a GAIN.... so a loss, even small, is still something.

I am a little nervous about it, though, because 227 is where I gave up last year. After losing forty pounds, almost exactly, I hit a plateau at 227 and gave up. Then, over the course of the next year, every time I tried to lose weight I would hit 227 and then hit another plateau. This is when I went to speak with my doctor about a diet pill, and she informed me that I would probably hit that plateau no matter what, and since I have no weight related health issues she couldn't help me.

227 is, literally, the skinniest I have been in about four years. My fiance, Mitch, met me when I was around 230. So I am proud to be at this weight again, and I do realize that if I even lose a half a pound over this next week, I will be heading into uncharted waters. And that does give me something to look forward too.

I also realize, however, that a .5 loss on the second week is pretty much unheard of. The program itself states that for the first 3 weeks people can expect to lose more than 2 lbs a week. I know that I did that to myself by splurging on the weekend, and also by taking little bites here and there throughout the day of food Mitch was making, food the kids were eating, food that was in the break room.

ALL UNPLANNED SNACKING MUST END. This is how I lost all my flex points before the week was up, and that was a recipe for disaster. I need those flex points over the weekend, when I tend to over indulge.

I need to do a better job of planning my meals. I tend to use up the bulk of my points when I am hungry during the day and don't have a lot of healthy options around me. I think it would be better if I were to plan a huge salad, or something very low point, for lunch every day, so that I am satisfied but not point heavy. Then, I will be more likely to stay satisfied with the healthy snacks that I have brought. I am also beginning to wonder if the online plan is not working for me, or if I need to get a better system for tracking points. I do not have access to a computer all day when I am at work, which makes it hard for me to check on the points of something or tally up my total.

I need to hit my water requirements for the day, everyday. After my crazy restaurant binge this weekend at Grisanti's, someone on the message boards at WW mentioned that I should drink lots of water to flush out the sodium... and i totally choked. It's not lost on me that the weight I didn't lose may just be water weight.

I'm excited to see how Tiffany did this week-- it was a hard week for both of us! I am determined, though, NOT to give up at 227-- even if this is the magic number that my body plateau's at. My goal for next week is 225.

I fail at weekends

Last weekend was rough-- that's when I ate the cheesecake. The only nice thing about having a second job is that occasionally, I have to work all weekend and so I just literally don't have time or opportunity to let myself splurge.

Not so much this weekend.

I had Saturday off, and was banking my FLEX points so that I could go out with my fiance on Saturday night for our first monthly date night. He made reservations at a fancy restaurant and told me to prepare for that. I did.... but I didn't prepare for my grandmother's surprise visit to us on Saturday morning. She is 86, and I only see her once in a blue moon, and she told us she was bringing McDonalds so that none of us would cook. Not being a huge McDonald's fan, I figured I was safe by eating a sandwich on my way over and then bringing lots of fresh veggies to munch on.

Um, not so much.

The McDonald's plan fell through, and so instead, she ordered four pizzas. I COULD HAVE gone with the thin crust veggie, for minimum points, but instead, I went with the combo regular crust. Two pieces. Heavenly.

Then-- with only 6 points remaining for the day-- Mitch took me to a fancy ITALIAN place..... hello? I did PRETTY well-- I got an entree but was so full that I picked at it, and then put it aside, I stayed away from the calamari he got for an appetizer, and I had a salad instead of soup.

Where did I fail????

I had to have the tiramisu. At least, Mitch and I split it, so better than usual, but still not great. And I had to get a liqueur filled latte at the end of the meal (which was heavenly, by the way...)

Oh, and did I mention the glasses of white wine? Still better than my usual drink (amaretto and Coke) but worse than water.

All in all, I exceeded my weekly points by 18. This morning I showed a half pound loss from last week (yesterday I was showing a two pound loss). Some advice I have gotten had included drinking lots of water to shed the excess sodium so that my Tuesday weigh in is not awful, but mostly people (on the message boards) have been saying that if I stay on plan after this, by Thursday I should show a loss, and NEXT Tuesday's weigh in will be better.

I am feeling good about some things, though. I am feeling good that I recorded my meal and have now learned what I need to expect when I go to a restaraunt. Did I need to eat the garlic bread? No. Did I need to have that tiramisu? No. I could have stayed with the latte and been fine. Did I need the ENTREE? No. I could have ordered myself an appetizer of grilled vegetables or bruschetta and gotten out of there for less money, less points, and not felt disgusting all the way through the movie.

I am proud of myself for showing some restraint while I was splurging. I didn't order my own dessert. I didn't keep eating the entree when I knew I was full. I didn't eat the calamari, knowing it would be full of points. These are all good things. In terms of a lifestyle change and not a DIET.... I think I did very well.

I will report back on Tuesday! Wish me luck!

Tiff's Update

So I went to my first Weight Watchers meeting yesterday and subsequently edited my stats on the prior post. The good news is that Adrienne and I should have updates on the same day, now. The bad news is that my weigh in was not great. Six pounds more than my last weigh in at Curves. Granted they are different scales and all that, but I don't think that's it. Anyway, I have a nice even number to start with now.

Have you ever noticed how expensive it is to get healthy? I'd imagine that at some point, maintaining healthy is cheaper, but getting there is a real pinch to the pocketbook. For example, I'm spending about $80 a month on my Weight Watchers and Curves memberships. I know that shopping is harder, too, because once you start watching labels food gets more expensive. Especially living alone. I just absolutely hate that. I read an article recently about the same problem for people who are using 'green' products, that to save the environment you've got to shell out extra dough. It sucks that it's so hard. Granted it makes sense... to eat/clean/live better they have to make your product with higher grade ingredients, making your grocery bill higher. However, as a girl barely making her payments for rent and her rapidly swelling medical bills, it's hard to spend too much in that checkout line.

Off that soap box, here's my goal this week. I've already missed 2 days at Curves, so I have to go today, tomorrow and Friday because I can't make their 8-10 hours on Saturday. I'm also going to try to stay well within my points this first week and try to get some stuff kick started. I'll update you on how it goes!!

Adrienne

Current weight: 227.5
Loss: -3.5
Total Loss to Date: -3.5

Low Point of the week: Earlier this week I had a major setback when I discovered that the coffee shop I work at is now selling cheesecake. Oh yeah. Godiva freaking cheesecake, to the tune of 17 weight watcher points a slice. I know, because I totally binge ate one. I packed it up and put it in the car, and then scarfed it super fast on the way home so that my fiance wouldn't catch me. How is that for sad? "Hi, my name is Adrienne, and I am a closet cheesecake binger."

My other low point was at my teacher inservice, where lunch was provided for teachers. Oh yeah, big tubs of Pizza Hut Alfredo. Great. I brought a HUGE salad, and had to actually go into my room, away from my co-workers, to eat it... and was so stuffed I thought I couldn't move... but move I did.... all the way over to the cake table, to get myself a generous helping of cake, that wasn't even that good. Seriously.

What I Learned This Week: To help me cope with that, I decided the cheesecake is definitely a trigger food of mine, and henceforth I will have it twice a year. Once on my birthday, in November, and once on my anniversary, in May. At first that bummed me out, but then I thought about how panicky I was when I came home and entered that into the points tracker-- SEVEN HUNDRED AND TEN CALORIES. 17 points is exactly half of my points budget for a day. FOR AN ENTIRE FREAKING DAY. No thank you, man. I'd rather eat tomatoes and be full.

Other lessons---

I also learned that I need to work a TINY bit harder. There were several days when, at the end of the day, I would find myself scrambling for something, anything, THERE HAS TO BE SOMETHING!!!!!!, that I could eat. I realized that if I had done a better job earlier in the day of managing my points (ahem.... eating more fruits and vegetables with my meals rather than just nuking a Healthy Choice meal....) I would probably stay fuller longer.

I also learned... gasp!... that I am going to have to start cooking. The packaged food is easiest, most convenient (and probably tastes better than the food that I will be attempting to prepare!) but it also gets old really fast, and probably, in the long run, is not the healthiest thing I could have.

Goal for next week:

My goal this coming week is to meet all my good health guidelines (you know, the five servings of veggies, 40 oz of water, etc. They are weight watcher prescribed). I did VERY well on this the past week, better than I thought I would, but I need to make it an effort to be sure to get all my water in and all my veggies.

My other goal is to begin working out on my lunch break NEXT week, which means mentally preparing myself for it this week. Trust me, I am an exercise FREAK. I hate sweating. But I am also terrified of having the flabby skin when I reach goal, and everyone says that working out is the best way to tighten the skin. Also, I think that working out on my break will keep me from snacking all over the school while I lounge. Seriously, that's a little gross.

Tiffany

Hight: 5'6 1/2
Wight: 250
BMI: 36 (obese)
Age: 25

For most of my life, almost anything that has gone wrong in my body has been blamed on my thyroid. Some of it probably really was, other things were probably thyroid + my making poor health decisions, and some of it was probably not my thyroid. My weight is something that probably falls into the 2nd category of thyroid-faulted issues. My thyroid messed with my head and weight a lot for a couple years, around ages 20-22. I was taken off my suppression meds, causing my resting heart rate to hover around 130 bpm (almost twice normal), which caused me to loose about 50lbs in 3 months. Following those months, my thyroid was ablated and I was told to retest my blood "when I felt my thyroid was off." I tested it too late, not knowing what symptoms to look for, and had in the 4 months after the ablation gained over 75 pounds and I gained about 20 more in the years it's taken for us to finally get my thyroid levels evened out, though the last 2o were poor decisions on my part more than illness.

I have always loved food. I'm a picky eater, but I enjoy eating a lot of what I love. I use food for comfort, for celebration, to bond with friends... food is my constant companion. However I was told recently by someone who loves me more than I probably deserve that I look "unhealthy." While this person said it had nothing to do with my weight, the fact is that I am a well groomed person and the only real cause of my looking unhealthy is that I take poor care of my body. I don't exercise enough and I eat poorly and far too much. So I embark on my journey to weight loss once again. It has worked in the past, but I give up quickly. I don't like to sacrifice and so I will continue to eat poorly because it's something I enjoy. This time, I'm working with my best friend Adrienne, trying to urge one another to keep on track even when neither is feeling overly confident. I joined Curves in June and have been less than faithful with my attendance. Like Adrienne, I will be tracking in 10% weight loss goals.

Goal 1: 225
Goal 2: 202
Goal 3: 182 (this is a 2x goal as my short term weight loss goal is to be under 200)
Goal 4: 164
Goal 5: 145

I have 1 more 10% goal than Adrienne, so I'm also hoping that I will be able to keep up and not be keeping us from our big goal. My prizes:

Prize 1: Massage
Prize 2: Mini-trip somewhere (Omaha to see Adrienne or Missoula to see my brother Brandon)
My other prizes are TBA. The 5th will be the big prize and we'll post that as soon as we've decided.

I will also be posting weekly updates. I am going to be joining Weight Watchers soon also and there are monthly weigh and measures at Curves, so I can also post inches lost when that happens. As Adrienne told you, her wedding is coming up this summer, as is my step-sisters wedding. While I don't have to don a bridesmaids dress in either, I would love to be proud of the pictures at both. This doesn't mean I expect to loose 100lbs between now and then, it just means that I want to feel healthier, to look like I belong with my family and friends rather than the fat outsider.

I hope that Adrienne's and my story will be of help to someone and that our use of this blog allows us to be faithful accountablibuddies even though we live about 300 miles away from one another. While working through this process will undoubtedly be difficult, trying, frustrating, encouraging, exhausting... it has become an absolutely necessary and life-threatening problem that I need to face. Scales and goals are part of it, but the real point is to be a strong woman of Christ, spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically so that I can accept all the gifts He gives me. Good Luck!!

Paying Respects to A Mountain.....

Height: 5'8
Weight: 231
BMI: 35 (obese)
Age: 24

Background: I've always been overweight; looking back in high school, though, I think that it was more a matter of twenty to thirty pounds and gaining the confidence to stand up straight. I think that I was told (thanks mom) so often that I was fat, that my brain started thinking that I was... and then when I actually started to tip the scales, I just didn't notice. At my heaviest, I was 267, at my fiance's brother's wedding, and I couldn't believe the pictures. They were terrifying! Not only did I look like I probably spent my free time eating fettucine alfredo topped with ice cream topped with butter topped with sprinkles, the weight made me look so OLD. I was 23, and looked like I could be well into my thirties.

I was able to get down to 227 on my own, and then (thank God!) only gained about five of that back, and maintained that for the last year. This year, though, it's MY turn to walk down the aisle-- and when I got our engagement pictures back, I was speechless. The ONLY ones I liked were from the neck up. That got me thinking about 'the big day'-- would I be standing at the altar, worried that the crowd was examining my waistline?

I joined Weight Watchers on October 5th, totally motivated with my best friend Tiffany to reach my goals this year. We are in the process of hammering out an agreement so that we can be accountibilibuddies (YOU try spelling it!) and also so that we can do this the right way, the healthy way, and make sure the weight stays off for good. We decided that when we reach our final goal, we want to have a prize that is HUGE.... but we haven't decided yet what that prize will be.

My agreement/challenge:

I am going to lose weight one 10% at a time. It will probably take me four to get all the way to goal.

Goal one: 208
Goal two: 188
Goal three: 170
Goal four: 160

Rewards:

Goal 1: A manicure/pedicure
Goal two: a full body massage
Goal three: buying something for our final prize... (like an outfit, new swimming suit, etc)
Goal four: The big prize!

I also have an over-all fitness goal, and that is that I want to compete in a 5K run. I don't want to win-- I just want to finish. I have NEVER been athletic-- the closest to 'sports' I ever came was my high school's show choir-- but I have always been jealous of people that I see running in the mornings in their little sports bras and tight shorts. I have NO idea how to even get started on that whole business, so I will be updating here as I figure it out.

I weigh in on Tuesdays, so I will be tracking my progress here at least once a week, with random blurbs on days when I do something great and days when I want to throw my scale under a steamroller. Ha ha.